I finished Bee Lavender's memoir Lessons in Taxidermy today. I stayed up an hour past my bedtime reading it last night, which is a major sacrifice for me with my broken sleep, because it was so riveting. Then, I sat down with it this morning while I was nursing M'hijo and didn't realize until I was done that I'd been reading and nursing for a full hour! M'hijo will basically nurse all day if I let him.
I did not expect to learn so much or be so affected or amazed by this book. It's the memoir of a woman who has suffered many illnesses (actually, the word illness seems too mild here; horrors would be more accurate) and one terrible car accident. She had her first cancer removed at the age of twelve and things basically got worse and worse for her.
As someone who routinely checks all of the "no" boxes on medical forms, I don't think I've ever considered what it's like for people who tend to check all of the "yes" boxes. My father has accused me of having no sympathy for people who suffer from poor health (including him). After Taxidermy, I can see that he is correct. I really did not have an understanding of sickness at all. Now, I think I get it. And yes, dad, I am an ass.
While reading in the living room with Tobias the other night, I had to put the book down and take a few deep breaths before I could continue. How could these things happen to someone, and how could that someone survive with any semblance of humanity left? I frequently choked back tears while reading point-blank accounts of uncomfortable, painful, and often humiliating medical procedures and heart-breaking and terrifying symptoms.
Of course, the book wouldn't have made such an impact if it wasn't so beautifully crafted. The narrative really carries you along and unlike so many books that I've read recently that jump back and forth between two timelines, the device was totally appropriate and made the book more engaging rather than being distracting and frustrating. I'm looking your way, Haruki Murakami.
I won't lie and say I found the the book uplifting, although the author's stamina, resilience, and strength are awe-inspiring. There were more than a few times where I actually got really scared and thought "Oh my God, how could I have possibly brought children into this terrible, terrible world?" But although it was a bit depressing, it felt so TRUE that even the experience of being depressed was something I relished.
Hmm, I'm not sure if I'm explaining that well. What I mean is just that I guess I don't see "depressing" as a negative comment on this particular work. I mean, illness and suffering are not cheery, you know?
After I finished the book, I thought of the Muriel Rukeyser quote: "What would happen if one woman told the truth about herself? The world would split open." I don't know about the world, but Bee Lavender's truth has totally blown my mind.
