Fun things to do on skype while the brown half of the family is at home on Vancouver Island and the blonde half lives it up in Gay Paris
1. Catch up on everything that's happened since the last time we Skyped. Which was yesterday. Today's news was this: Mona List - thumbs up, Notre Dame - thumbs down, Croque Madame - thumbs down, riding the Metro - thumbs up.
2. Play duelling cooking shows while preparing a time- and place-appropriate meal. For breakfast on the west coast of Canada: blueberry soy smoothies. For early dinner in Montmartre: cured meats, Coquelicot baguette and Roquefort. I watched as Tobias unwrapped his moldy meat ( ha! ) and he and Rara sat entranced as I poured bananas, soy milk, blueberries and flax oil into the blender.
3. Do rude things with your genitals, causing your older sister to scream in protest and try to turn off the video feed, succeeding only in turning off the video that displays Paris to Victoria, not the one that displays Victoria to Paris.
4. Taunt your sister and call her idiot. This is one of Deetman's favourite things to do. In return, Rara likes to confound him with things he can't understand, like why it's early evening in Paris and morning in Victoria.
5. Clean out the fridge. I don't know how we ended up with three mayonnaises.
6. Negotiate piano lessons for the fall and talk about how we're spending too much money. Suggest to spouse that it's real bad PR to deny your child piano lessons because you spent all your money on wine and train fares in Europe.
7. Ignore each other for several minutes at a time while between one and four members of the family wander away to do other things.
8. Hold the laptop up to the bathroom mirror, thus using sophisticated computer networking technology to do the job of a piece of reflective glass.
9. Have a little dance party while each half-family group watches Flight of the Conchords' Foux Da Fa Fa simultaneously. Foux da fa fa roughly transaltes to "It's funny because it's true."
Two things that are difficult to do on Skype
1. Go check out the wine bar on the lower floor of your hotel.
2. Clean out the chicken coop.
And so, eventually, we hung up. Then, immediately, Rara called us again. Then she said "Okay I'm really hanging up now. Bye!"
Then she called again and then said the same thing. Then she hung up.
Then she did it twice more.
Then we were finally finished.
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