My martial arts club has a friendly relationship with another club from up-Island. Several times a year, we get together for sparring seminars, or more casual sparring sessions, called, fondly, Sunday Smackarounds. They drive down-Island to fight with us for a few hours or we drive up-Island to fight with them. Afterward, we get together in a restaurant to restore the tissues, although I don't go to the after-party when it happens here in Victoria, as I always have to head home and relieve whoever is taking care of the Deetman (formerly M'hijo).
I used to dread Smackarounds the way I dread tournaments. The up-island club is full of very, very good fighters, and even though Smackarounds are definitely not intended to be competitive, it is sparring, so by its very nature a competition, and I would be scared of sucking and/or getting hurt. But as time passes, my pre-Smackaround anxiety is lessening. Last weekend, for example, my getting hurt fear level was zero and my sucking fear level was ...well, it was lower. Not zero yet. My ego is still my biggest enemy in all arenas.
One thing that has helped with my getting hurt fear level is actually getting hurt. Or rather, having things happen to my body that I thought would hurt, and finding they don't. In my first tournament, I got punched in the face twice. In my club, we never use the face as a target, so having someone go right for my nose was a surprise! I put my hand on my nose and looked in my opponent's eyes, and at the judges, as if to say "Hold on, now, she can't do that, can she?" She could, I discovered, and got a point for it too. Still, this is light-to-medium contact sparring, and face contact is either disallowed or must be light, depending on the tournament and the ring judge, so it was really just a tap on the nose.
After that, I was much less scared of being punched in the face, though I was still pretty scared about someone (mistakenly, from inexperience, or in malice) punching me hard in the face. Now, three years later, I think I am pretty much totally over that. I think it's very unlikely to happen, because I've learned to trust my opponents, trust the directors of tournaments, trust the local judges, and trust my own ability to block blows.
I can't exactly remember the first time I got kicked in the face, but I think it was at a Smackaround. Another big surprise! "Oh wow, I just got kicked in the face. That was something new!" Again, kicks to the face are not really encouarged, per se, but it happens. When you're aiming for the side of the head (where everyone is protected by their helmet), sometimes you miss, or sometimes the kick-receiver turns their head slightly. Or sometimes, you're going for the upper chest and get the chin instead. I did this last weekend, marking the first time I've kicked someone in the face.
Maybe these seem like meaningless distinctions, but to me they really mean something. Somewhere in my brain a little fear disintegrates each time a new part of my body receives someone's foot or fist. This is part of the mental game of sparring that I'm figuring out. There are hundreds of other aspects of it that I still have no clue about.
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